I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Randomize
