I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
