If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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