Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
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Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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