Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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