I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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