R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
