I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Randomize
