You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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