I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
