And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
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In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
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Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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