Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
