got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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