I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
