I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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