That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize