video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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