She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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