I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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