nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You are a genius and a whore.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
