I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
