You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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