You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
