He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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