the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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