When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
