i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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