and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
should my penis look like a turkey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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