did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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