We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
