Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
