just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
i think i just lost a toe
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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