I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
