Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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