Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
