Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
