Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
