Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
