We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
