I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
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