I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
