We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
