i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Randomize
