During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I didn't notice because vodka
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
