i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
