I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
