Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
