Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
