he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
They have beer where we have blood.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
