i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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