Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
