and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
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she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
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I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week