normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I want a musical about memes.