i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
