god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
