I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
