I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
