i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
