Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
