he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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