don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
