This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
