I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
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